Diary

8.5.17

I know I’ve been gone for a bit, but I just want to give an update. We are in the process of moving to another state and everything is just going crazy right now. I don’t have as much time to sit and write as I would like, but I’m still here. I’m still submissive, and I’m still exploring ways to be a better submissive for Sir and the best ways to serve and please him.

I’ll be back soon, and I’ve thrown around the idea of doing a podcast surrounding BDSM and submission, but I’m not sure yet. Would anyone listen to it?

Diary

7.20.17

I have stress breakouts from everything that’s been going on lately. I haven’t been sleeping again, because I’m afraid to live in my own damn house. Every noise keeps me awake at night.

On the plus side, Sir had an interview in Nevada (currently, we live in California) on Tuesday that we think went well. I also had a phone call with a hospital there, hoping to get into some positions that are open there for what I do now. If they choose to interview me, I would have to make the 6 hour drive there and back by myself because Sir can’t afford to take off more work.

There hasn’t been much going on in the sexy side of our relationship because of my monthly cycle. Next week, though, our small child will be going on a mini-vacation with some family and she will be gone for almost an entire week. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, because I’m going to miss her like crazy. It does, however, give Sir and I time to ourselves for whatever he wants!

Diary

7.11.17

It has been such a stressful few days. There have been a string of break-ins in our neighborhood which, I mean it freaks me out but my material possessions can be replaced I guess. The worst thing is that on Sunday, we were outside with the kids and the neighbors. The kids were playing, we were all hanging out. Then, in the apartments across the street, there was a fucking drive-by shooting. In broad daylight. With us and the kids outside.

We need to move. Its not like we live in an awful neighborhood. It could be worse, but I’m not trying to live in a place where I have to worry about my child being hit from a stray bullet. This is shooting number 3 in this area in the less than 2 years we have lived in this apartment. I’m done. Over it. I am applying for jobs in another city and we will be moving as soon as possible.

I can’t take the stress and worry.

Diary

7.8.17

I feel much better lately, thank goodness. I can’t stand being sick! 

We are supposed to have a birthday party to go to tonight, but I don’t know what she’s planning. My best friend turns 26 tomorrow! Anyways, our child is staying with her uncle tonight so we can go to the party. If there’s no party and she goes downtown like she wants to, we will just stay home and have some fun.

Sir and I are going to write out our rules and expectations as well as punishments that would follow. Right now, we have unspoken rules. Things I know I can’t or shouldn’t do, things I’ve gotten in trouble for because I should have known better, and things that Sir tells me not to do. I do much better when I have lists and written things to refer back to, especially if there’s multiple things I’m trying to remember. If I write them all in my notebook it gives me something physical to go back and look at when I’m unsure or feel like I’m forgetting something. I’m craving the 24/7 D/s dynamic and, as long as Sir is ok with that, we just need to figure out a healthy way to implement that with a child in the home. Obviously I want to keep anything sexual or kink related away from her. I’m also a huge feminist, so I need to figure out how to instill good values in my child so she grows up to know that just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she’s a lesser person.

Sometimes everything is a bit confusing…